You open up your favourite dating app, ready to find the man for your last first date.

What are you looking for?

What qualities make you swipe right rather than left?

Is it the colour of their hair or their eyes?

Their job and education level?

Whether they want children?

Or do you really go for men who have pictures taken in exotic locations?

It is easy when a friend asks us what we are looking for to start listing a lot of qualities that we are looking for in the man we want to date.

But are they necessarily qualities in the man you want to have a relationship with?

It’s one of the many, many reasons I stopped using dating apps.

Because I realised that the small amount of information that was on a dating profile may have attracted me to the man on a surface level it did not give me a rounded view of them.

Now of course I know that is what going on dates is all about but most of my dating app chatting did not turn into in life dates.

So what should you look for?

What do I look for in a potential partner?

Obviously I have traits I’m attracted to. I like smiley eyes, a good smile and nice forearms.

But one of the most important trait I go for is kindness.

Kindness is a quality that is often underrated.

But it will help a relationship flourish and grow long after the good looks and superficial charm have faded.

A lack of kindness shown by a man I was interested in has taken him from someone I was really keen on to someone I wouldn’t look at twice. 

Because I know how important kindness is to me.

So if you are finding that the men that you meet either in real life or on the dating apps are not right for you perhaps you need to reassess what you are looking for.

How do you do this?

It’s not as hard as you might think.

But it might require you to think a bit differently.

Start by creating yourself a list for your ideal partner that is full of personality traits you would the person you are in a relationship with rather than what they look like and the job they have.

Once you have that list, start to look for men who have those values and traits.

Even if they are not your normal ‘type’.

This might mean you start to date very different men.

Which might be just what you need to do.

I’ll be back next week.